Alarm clock screaming.  Dark yummy goodness brewing in the kitchen.  Jump in the shower.  Put on a confident outfit.  Wake up the kids.  Get them dressed, fed, teeth brushed, hair combed, deodorant on and breakfast as you all walk out the door.  The drive to school was as busy as every morning. Sun shining bright through the windshield.  Circle around and drop off the kids to enjoy a day of expanding their brain muscles.  Speed off to that job that is getting your daily bills paid and kid's extra curricular taken care of.  Then repeat.

Ever feel like you're on a hamster wheel of routine and there's no exit?  Like the days are EXTRA LONG and the years are short?  Do the attitudes of those precious blessings running around your house ever get too much?  Bad news - it won't last forever.  Yeah you read that correctly.  It's bad news.  The annoying rushed morning routine.  The hamster wheel with no exit.  The extra long days full of those little people running around with attitudes and opinions.  Yep, it won't last forever and that is bad news. 

Let me explain.

Recently my Papa and Nana celebrated 50 years of marriage.  Yes I said 50!!!  Wow!  Such an amazing accomplishment these days.  Ya know?   Extremely rare.  I had the beautiful honor of officiating the renewal of their vows and man it was tough to keep my emotions under wrap.  They raised me growing up to know God and live a life pleasing unto Him.  I'm so thankful for their leadership and teaching.   Their story is beautiful and inspiring but it doesn't come without sleepless nights and long years of serving others.  They have been pastoring churches for forty something of the fifty years they've been married.  That's a miracle in it's self, if you know what I mean.  Pastoring is not an easy job nor an easy calling.  I mean you live your life to serve people 24/7.  They did this all for the love of God in their heart for others while raising three children and one grand daughter (me). 

As we sat around a solid wood table aged with Thanksgiving dinners, Christmas pot lucks and Birthday party celebrations my husband and I had the pleasure of listening as my grandparents shared some amazing stories from their years of life together.  Their passion for people is felt in every story.   The times they sacrificed what they wanted for what others wanted.  The times they obeyed what God told them to do.  The times they shared with their kids as they learned new things.  The times they gave when they didn't really have it to give.  Just every layer of their years together has involved helping people in some shape or form.  It's so beautiful and inspiring...but ya know, at the end of all these 50 years the two people left from all these amazing stories is them.  All those years of surrounding themselves with people that they loved and poured into.  All those years of teaching, training and correcting those children.  The two lives that mattered the most in these 50 years is her and him.  Their relationship together is what remains.  Their love for one another is what remains.  Their friendship is what remains.  Their marriage is the common factor that has kept and has stayed consistent during all these 50 years.  As the people have come and gone.  As the kids have come and gone.  The two hearts that joined 50 years ago is what's still beating today.  

It's bad news when the hamster wheel of routine is gone.  It's bad news when the children are married and gone.  It's bad news when the crazy busy schedule is now vacant.  It's bad news when the people that were your friends have moved on and started a new life.  It's bad news when the two people left standing are you and your spouse and... you're not best friends.  That is bad news my friend.

The purpose of today's blog is to encourage you to make your spouse your best friend.  They should be the one you share things with.  They should be the one you laugh with.  They should be the one you crave time with.  They should be the one you have adventures with.   They should be the one you look to for comfort.   They are the one you should have constant companionship with. 

At the end of the day, when the kids are married and gone.  When your friends have moved on.  When your work agenda has changed.  When your circle of influence has changed.  They are the one standing right beside you.  Do what makes you two happy.  Do what keeps you going strong together.  Do what makes your heart skip a beat and your stomach get butterflies.  Keep up the flirting.  Keep the love life burning with desire.  Keep the sex life new and exciting. 

The only person hindering the passion in your marriage is you and your attitude about your spouse.  Keep your attitude in check.  No one person is perfect - ever!  Look past the flaws and into their heart for you.  As we sat with my grandparents talking that day my papa said, " I told your Nana it's just you and me so let's do what we want to do."   And ya know, it was so refreshing for me to hear him say that because after all the years they still have that friendship that my heart desires for ALL marriages to have. 

Now, friends this blog may seem extremely basic to you but unfortunately a lot of marriages are suffering because they've never truly established that best friend status with their spouse.  My heart is saddened to hear so many marriages unhappy and suffering daily just to see another day because they have children and don't want the kids to know they're unhappy. 

*Sigh* - another blog topic for another day.

I truly want to see your relationship thrive and live life to it's fullest.  Message, email or comment and let me know if I can pray for your marriage.  It will be kept confidential. 

Blessings,
Dr Britt

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Sometimes life screams, "You're not good enough!"  Whether it's your job, your talents, your dreams, your parenting role, your position at church or even your marriage.  The constant comparison as you click on your instagram or facebook to say the least are big reminders that you don't have what it takes to do what someone else is doing.  And that's exactly why I'm writing you today.

Recently I posted a video to my personal Facebook.  ( I uploaded it to youtube just in case you'd like to check it out. )  I felt the Holy Spirit urging me to post a video on "Lack"  and how it lies in our lives.  My topic that day was not referring to lack in a monetary sense but rather in our abilities.  The lies stem from our thoughts tailored with what our eyes see.    Tell those thoughts to shut up!  The lies are dead to you.  Let lack lie in your life.  The truth is you have everything you need to accomplish that dream, that call and that task.  You are qualified!  God has qualified you.

You are important to me but most importantly you are important to God.  He created you!  Let's talk real.  Out of the millions of sperm released during your conception, God saw it fit to fertilize only one and that was YOU!  You are so unique and precious.  No one will ever have your DNA makeup - ever!  There's only one and that's all this world needs.  You were created for purpose.  You were created to make an imprint on this Earth's soil.   Just like the story of Big Foot and his evidence that keeps people fascinated with, "What will happen next?  "Where will he go from here?"  I encourage you to have a fire on the inside of you to want to leave an imprint and keep people guessing.  Not for fame, fortune or man's approval but for the testimony of God's goodness and provision working in your life. 

I was reading in the book of Proverbs on Wednesday and the Dake's Bible ( which is my favorite study Bible) side notes explained that living for today will expose what you will accomplish tomorrow.  Another words Dake was reiterating that whatever your vision, call or talent is it's important to not announce what you plan on doing in the future.  God wants us to live for today.  We don't know what will hold for tomorrow although his promises are true.   Keep what you do between you and God giving way for others to expose the talent, dream and call later.   Reading this encouraged myself tremendously.  I am a peacemaker.  I have a tendency to feel like I have to explain to others why I am doing something or what moves my family makes and why .  God has encouraged me more and more through His word that I do not have to explain anything to anyone as long as I'm doing his will and neither do you.  Keep the details of your dream and talents close to your heart.  Only share it with a very small inner circle group of friends or family. 

Now, I know you're thinking, " Dr Britt what does this all have to do with my marriage and forever honeymooning?"  I'm glad you asked.  You're spouse deserves ALL the love from you they can get.  Not half, not a quarter but all the love you have to give.  When you don't feel like you are good enough you're spouse can sense that.  Whether it's your body image, parenting skills, cooking skills, financial responsibilities or sex life.  Loving yourself enables you to love your spouse.  Knowing who you are, who lives in you, and what you’re created for keeps you focused on how valuable it is to love and be loved.  You were created for greatness and greatness is inside of you.  The negative degrading thoughts do not have a hold on you.  You can overcome all those thoughts and soar like God has created you to soar.  Live for today and let tomorrow reveal itself at the right time.  Your spouse wants you to be successful, prosperous and fulfilled but you have to see yourself that way.

Take time for you.  Everyone of us have to have time where there's no distractions, no noise, no agenda and just relax.  You have to!  Now, I know you're saying but my kids...but my job...but my laundry, etc.  My friend it will be there when you get through relaxing, believe me.  You're family and spouse deserve the rested, rejuvenated, excited about life side of you.  Me time is  imperative.   Take time for you at least once during a hectic week.  If it means locking your bathroom door and soaking in a bubble bath with a great book, do it.  If it means driving to the book store for an hour or two grabbing you a coffee and looking at sports magazines, do it.  Whatever it is that makes you feel somewhat pampered but recharged, do it.  You deserve me time.  All of us look at me time differently.  Whatever yours is reveal it to your spouse, make time for it and enjoy.  When you take care of you, you have the energy to take care of those you love. 


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Please comment below and let me know your thoughts.  If you know someone who is going through this please share or forward this to them.  I love all of you dearly.  -Dr. Britt

We currently reside in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area.  This is a large populated area that is so diverse.  I've traveled to many states and the shopping is the best here in Texas.  The largest stores are so convenient.  Every 30 - 50 miles is an outlet shopping center full of the best stores.  A woman's dream for name brand shopping!  We have the Galleria which has high end up scale stores.  We have several Outlet malls which range in high end and average shopping stores.  Then there's the regular indoor and outdoor shopping malls.  So many choices which drives the stores to be so competitive in pricing. 

The problem with all this convenient shopping is when the husband is not aware of the shopping being done by the wife.  She may see a huge sale going on and feel like she just has to have that new pair of shoes.  Yes, most women like shoes.  Yes, most women think that you cannot ever have too many shoes.  However, keeping up with trends is exactly what the industries want you to do.  It keeps you ... what? .... buying!!!!  Their strategy is to keep producing so you can keep keeping up with the Kardashians. 

This past fall the new trend was "booties."  Did you happen to see that trend happening all around you?  Well, it was definitely a trend here in Dallas.  For those of you that don't know what I'm talking about I've added a few pics of this trend. These boots were literally without no exaggeration on ALMOST every woman's foot this past fall.  Now, for most families these boots were NOT a necessity and I'm sure there were some women that bought these without talking to their husband about the purchase before hand.  By no means is this to pin point a woman for purchasing this trend.  I honestly liked the booties trend but did not buy a pair.  (and I am a boot girl...just ask my husband)  I have several pairs of boots that are still in great condition.  I was not in NEED of a new pair of boots for the fall even though I really wanted a pair. LOL.  

Before the wife gives in and proceeds with purchasing, just so she can show it off the next day, there are four things she should stop and ask herself honestly.

1. "Do I really need them?" 
2. "Can I live without them?" 
3. "Can I afford them?" 
4. "Is this purchase in agreement with my husband?" 

You might think this seems a little extreme over a pair of shoes but one pair of shoes could lead to a purse which could lead to a dress and so forth.  This purchase could in some cases put a whole family in a financial bind.  If the wife is not in tune with what her and her husband have agreed upon for their debits and deposits, she could easily cause a major stress in their house.  Instant gratification is the motive for most purchases which in return will KILL your finances.  I could easily go on to another example using the husband but I'm going to stop it right here. 

Another avenue, especially as parents, is the need to "keep up with the Jones'."  I want to encourage you to not fall into this trap of keeping up with what your child's friend's family are doing.  You never know how much debt they are really in to have what they have.  It's too much pressure that is not necessary.  Every household, every marriage and every family have different finances and ways of living.  Start teaching your kids how to save and invest for their future while getting rewarded currently for their work.  Developing a dedicated, steady work ethic now, will prepare them for whatever business they go into in the future.  Whether they are an employee, CEO, entrepreneur, business owner or stay at home parent, they will be prepared.  

Most divorces are due to financial stress and disagreements.  It's very important to marry someone you can do business with.  Marriage is like a small business.  Like I mentioned in last month's blog, you have to make your spouse your business partner.  Your household is your small business and your finances are what make the "business" work smoothly.  For a business to work successfully the purchases cannot out way the income.  In a marriage your debt or purchases would be considered your "overhead" so to speak in business terms.  Make sure your purchases do not exceed what is being brought into the house.  For those of you that have a business know exactly what I'm talking about.  For those of you that have not had a business, it's important to right down all that you HAVE to have as far as monthly purchases or expenses.  Key word is HAVE to have.  Not a need but a necessity.  Then add up all of those.  Right down your monthly income and subtract the necessities from the income.  If you're number is in the negative then you are out of business!  You need a profit each month.  If you're not having any money left over at the end of the month then you have to sit down with your spouse and reevaluate where you are spending your money and make the necessary adjustments.   

A lot of times we blame the other person and never look at what we are doing to contribute to or hinder the situation.  There's a way to live a comfortable life, save money and stay happily married.  What tends to hinder all of these from residing together in one scenario is a selfish mentality.  When you stop thinking of the other and always thinking of yourself is when you get the wrong results fast.  Saving money is not hard it just takes discipline.  The mentality has to change from spending everything you make to saving a little from all you make.  Every time there is a deposit in your account there has to be a transfer into your savings right after paying the tithes. 

Key things to take away from today's blog:

1. Don't purchase before you think about it.
2. If you can't afford it don't purchase it.
3. Stay in agreement with your spouse on debits and deposits.
4. Save something from everything you bring in to your house.

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At 19 I was attending a community college and working a part time job at a shoe store.  I had been engaged for about two months.  My Nana, Papa and I went shopping for my wedding dress.  I found the dress I wanted in the very first store we went into.  Have you every seen, "Say Yes to the Dress" on tlc?  It takes some of those brides 100 dresses before they finally find the one they want.  I tried on about three dresses in that store and among the three was the one I ended up purchasing.  I put it on lay-o-way with the dress store and made payments on it til' I paid it off.  It took me about 6 months and the dress was mine!  This was my first grown up payment and purchase that I had ever made.  I was extremely proud of this dress because I had worked hard, paid for it myself and it was beautiful!  I had never seen a dress like this one before. 

At that time, I kept an extremely detailed hand written ledger of all my debits and deposits.  I only had to report to God and be a good steward of the finances He had given me.  One day, I noticed a discrepancy in my statement of purchases.  I took my hand written ledger to the bank and sat down with them to go over what was missing.  I knew that my numbers were not wrong.  I made sure I kept great record of everything.  I handed over my ledger to the lady in the bank and her reply was, "I have never in all my years of banking seen such a detailed itemization of purchases and deposits in a member's ledger."  I was shocked because I thought everyone did their finances like I did.  I mean isn't that why they send this ledger out to you along with your checks?  For recording all your debits and deposits?  Anyways, the whole discrepancy got worked out and in my favor because I kept great records.

When you get married, finances and merging checking accounts are one of the major learning curves and adjustments.  Some couples just don't even do it.  They keep their own account and income but share the same bed.  I, personally, don't understand the reasoning behind that but that's what some wish to do.  When I married my husband we merged ours.  Learning what the other spends their money on is important.  I think all engaged couples should be able to know what their future spouse spends their money on so they can learn if the life style of that person coincides with the others.  Everyone is raised differently.  Your future spouse might have been or not have been taught how to manage finances a certain way.  On the other hand you might have been taught a completely different way.  What might have been acceptable to spend a lot of money on in your future spouse's childhood home might have not been the same case for you.  Again, you are getting schooled in marriage here.  Finances are a large percentage of that exam.  Learn what your future spouse spends a majority of their finances on and make sure you both come into agreement on what your household standard will be. 

Tithing should be a very common transaction in your ledger.  If it's not in your future spouse's ledger then you might need to re-evaluate proceeding forward with marriage.  A divided house cannot stand.  You both have to be in agreement from the beginning.  God and finances are what make a marriage live or die.  Love for one another is what started the whole fairy tale of happiness but without agreement in your finances you will not be able to keep stress out of the checking account.  You both work hard and smart on making sure that the sufficient amount of finances are rolling in to provide for your household.  Staying in agreement on how those finances are spent will eliminate all confusion and lack of money in times of need. 

Keeping proper records will prevent an outside source from stealing your money.  No one should know more about your finances than yourself.  You should treat your personal finances like a small business. 

1. Know your numbers. 
2. Know your transactions. 
3. Know your connections. 
4. Know your profit and loss.  

A smart business owner keeps detailed records of all the above listed four.  You may say math is not your thing but when it comes to your personal hard earned money math becomes your best friend.  Make knowing your finances a priority.  Business partners never leave each other out of the decisions crucial to making the business successful.  A sole-proprietor goes at the business alone leaving all assets and belongings available for the taking if something goes wrong with the business.  Protect your assets by getting incorporated together with your partner, a.k.a your spouse.  Join together as a team allowing the investment to be shielded from outside sources.

The monthly income means nothing if there's no profit left over.  A business cannot stay a float without a profit.  Businesses go bankrupt due to increased loss month after month.  This bankruptcy can result in divorce for a married couple.  There are ways to prevent bankruptcy in marriage.  Ways to prevent this are:

1. Tithe
2. Stay in agreement
3. Always include the other
4. Know your business better than an outside source
5. Make purchases you can pay in full or payoff quickly
   

SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE DO WHAT UNSUCCESSFUL PEOPLE WON'T DO.  Be those successful people and surround your life with other successful people.


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